July 28, 2007

A GIRL I KNOW...... RAPED!

I want to tell you about a girl I know.
A young pretty girl that grew up in Nigeria. Her story is almost a story so many girls have hidden in their hearts, NEVER to be talked about! And they are walking round with the deep hidden wound that end up manifesting in other psychological problems!
Because RAPE is not a subject that is discussed in public due to the stigma attached to it, especially for the girl! I am yet to hear of any man in Nigeria going to jail because of rape! Does the legislation enforce that? Is it even in the laws of Nigeria?
Anyway, read the story of a girl I know - RAPED!
By someone she trusted and called a 'brother'!
Let me tell you the truth about rape!! Those that have been there, I am not trying to bring up memories, I am trying to help you purge it!! I know it is very sad to have to leave your body and watch from afar someone violating you, and all you do is the deep whimpering that cannot help. Because, if you return back to your body, you may fight some more, and lose your life!! SO, you endure in silence, but far away from your body. But, anyway, your mind is still destroyed, but at least, you are alive! SURVIVAL, RIGHT!!!??

A young girl that was attending all her catechism classes and being a good girl, reading Barbara Cartland novels which talked about women keeping their virginity till marriage, was so good at keeping away from sex. Even though she looked so sexy and all. She had her head screwed right!

AT 18 years [ A strange age to be a virgin in University Of Jos those days], she was attending a summer class where she meet this guy that was very helpful in studies and nice.

To make a long story longer, they became study partners and one day as usual, he told her to wait for him at is brother's place in the hostel. (BIG mistake!) But she knew the his elder brother [because he was dating her 'school mum', and she called him big bro]. He said his brother was going to be back soon, thus she waited with him, nothing unusual! Till it got to past 9pm and she was up to go, but 'big bro' said, no prob, he will drop you off when he returns, very soon! And Irene {her school mum was coming over anyway}.

Short version: 10:15pm, no one came, hostel had become quiet, and 'big bro' grabs her and dragged her to the mattress! Next thing she was struggling, but he kept pinning her down, and told her straight up that if she screamed, the other guys in the other room would come take their turns! And next thing, a dagger appeared! He is athletic, she is 18, and she knew she was way past her time to be home, BUT she trusted him!

END: His ramming into her that night is an experience she can never forget! BECAUSE her body left her that day!. This is 13 years later! But she still gets to the point that she leaves her body when making love sometimes! It has cost her relationships! Being why she is still single at 31! Can she trust guys!?? No! Had she tried?. YES!! And was she disappointed? YES!! Cos, they always come down to thinking sex should be a sign of true love!! Only her present boyfriend keeps that far, but she had been battered psychologically that the right man has come, but she is scarred!

MIDDLE!" Sure, she left for home and ran to their family doctor, but all was OK! But, she had to tell her parents as the doctor said she should, or he would! She that never drank alcohol in her whole life then, lied to her parents that she was at a party, left her drink, someone drugged it and raped her. She does not know who! BIG LIE!!

WHY?! Because, her dad would have let down the sky on the culprit-'big bro'.
Oh by the way, his father happened to be the Head of the biggest Anglican church in Jos then. And you think religious people have the best children!! WHATEVER!!!

REASON SHE DID NOT SEEK 'PROFESSIONAL HELP':
  • Because it does not exist in Nigeria.
  • The scandal would have been too much!
  • She would have been blamed for being there so late! The worst thing is being blamed when raped!!
  • She would have been the object of mockery, especially for the guys she had turned down before.

Worst: The idiot had the guts to tell her when he bumped into her 2 weeks later when she returned back to school that he would want to continue later with a more responsive body not the log of wood! IF A GUN WAS AVAILABLE, THEN SHE WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN BLAMED!!
I know this girl and I know the absolute and total lack of distrust she fought within her against the male gender for a long while! I know her pains, and know that she really did hurt and while growing up, she perfectly hid all her pains and engrossed herself in being the best at everything she did! She detested the society that made the man the 'head', and same society that refused to protect the women or bring molesting, harrassing, and raping men to justice!!!

THIS IS SENSITIVE!! If you have nothing to talk about, please keep quiet! Just read and GO!!!
You have the right to remain silent, SO SHUT UP!!!!!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Estella,obviously you arrived the blogscene with a new and positive dimension.Your choice of topics are commendable.However,you tend to be over-bearing on your convinctions.People might not always agree to your conclusions and do not need to "Shut Up"if they don't suit you.
The rape gist is infact very pathetic and much as i detest any form of sex that does not involve the full conscent of the parties involved,i must emphasize that the law in Nigeria-a direct offshot of the British system-is tricky on rape everywhere.That removes the perculiarity to it that you limited to Nigeria.
Furthermore,though they are not in reasonable numbers,there are firms and proffessional agencies that help rape victims in Nigeria.Fact is that the stigma/social restraint imbedded in the rape thing in Nigeria are serious barriers to victims of rape.
Think and you would agree that you are even priviledged to know about that incident.Normally,she would keep it to herself and die with it!!Now,imagine some of the psychological blows our mothers are nursing till this day.Yet,they appear as good mothers,willing wives and judicious builders of the society.Their policy to such issues remain"don't ask and don't tell" or do you think that rape doesn't happen in marriages?
My dear,if you don't conscent to sex and your husband goes ahead to force you into it,he just raped you!!Now,imagine how the Nigerian society would react if a woman takes her husband to court for rapping her.Since you know the answer to that,start to come to terms with the foundation of that sealed lips and destructive aftermath of the rape incidence that you are priviledged to know about.
I am feeling you.

!!Estella!! said...

HI Anonymous,
thanks for your comment, the reason I said for some people to
"shut up" and just read is because, believe it or not, I have heard people blame the rape victim! Especially Nigerians!

Like, what was she doing there so late and stuff like dat.

I appreciate your input for real, and as someone that has worked in Women Health Right Issues in Nigeria and here in America, I tell you that the Nigerian woman suffer in Silence!

Someday, I shall tell the complete rape story of that girl....

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