September 8, 2007

MUST READ for Single Ladies over 30!!!

I saw this on another web forum and I must say, sadly there are some truths in the write up! Hey, fellow ladies over 30 and still single, what do you think? You know I got my radical views, but would rather hear yours before I start venting!

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Life they say is a journey but it appears that for single African women over the age of 30, life is a marathon. Like many married women, I have often watched with shock at how my single friends over
30 (with strong intentions to marry), fail to see the abundant ‘diamond in the rough’ type of men at family parties, weddings etc. In order to help our single sisters figure out the game of love, we
gathered advice on what they should do from African women who are married and often see what the single sisters don’t. Here is what the married women had to say:

1) Don’t focus on the Exterior-------LOOK INSIDE......DEEP INSIDE.....If he is short....they have shoes to fix that problem. If he does not dress well....don’t worry you can fix that with time. If he
says, ‘shicken’ instead of can teach him the correct pronunciation or change yours to ‘shicken’ as well. Focus on his character, his ambitions and his principles. These will be good
indicators of his suitability as a mate.

2) Broaden your horizon -------- Ladies let’s be realistic, you are now living in the Western world. There are a ton of good men that are not necessarily from your tribe, village, country or race. Be
open to the possibilities.

3) Step out of the Box ------------ Have a social life beyond your job. You cannot be found if you constantly work or stay home.

4) Drop the Defensive Attitude ------You are the Woman and He is THE MAN.

5) Don’t look for Mr Ready Made--------------Be willing to start from scratch together.

6) LEAVE OUR MEN ALONE -------- Appreciate from far what hard work and time we have spent to get our men to where they are now.....and aim to do the same with your own man....not ours.

7) COOK - Men have not changed much since creation. The basics still work quite well for them. That being said....COOK....and make sure its what he likes to eat.

8) Know your Competition - Ladies, past 30 eh, there is no need for ‘shakara’ also known as pretending. If you want to talk to him, pick up the phone and call. At this age your competition are women
between 21 to 25 and trust us....they are go getters.

7) Know when to UNLEASH the Nookie - Should you sleep with him on day one or should you sleep with him after 9 months? Our panel of married women all had different stories with different outcomes.
Only you can determine when the time is right but it is extremely important that the nookie be part of the TOTAL package you offer (cooking, strong listening skills, good manners etc....) and not a
side dish.

8) Establish Yourself as a Unique Brand - What is your story? Who has influenced your life? What is important to you? What inspires you? Why should he pick you? Knowledge of self will increase self
confidence thereby making you more attractive.

9) Forget the night clubs----------- You will not meet him there. So don’t bother.

10) Know when to say.... ‘to the left, to the left’ - - - - - You cannot date a man forever. If you have been seriously dating or living with a man for two years and no mention of marriage has come
up.....stop wasting your time with him. End the relationship. Move on.

11) Diversify Your Social Life ---- Keep yourself busy. Get active in the community, expand your horizon. If you are Nigerian, don’t just attend Nigerian events or events held by your village
association in America. Make friends with other Africans as well and attend their events.

12) Mail Order Groom ---- Sometimes taking a vacation and visiting home might just be the best way to find your spouse. Your nagging relatives may have found the perfect mate for you, so do give this
option a try.

13) Be Patient - Don’t get desperate and don’t ask questions like, ‘so where is this going’ on the second date. Take your time.

14) Set Goals for yourself and accomplish them while you wait.


Angela Ogbolu
Kitu Kizuri


@ #10, I will vent and vent real good!! let me start from that one before I pick any other number! But seriously! What's with babes hanging unto a man for over 2 years and counting and still no marriage plans and still 'hoping'?!! Abegi!!!! To the left O jare!!!!!! After I don see ma babe wey date guy from age 29 up to age 38 and bobo still fashy her!!!!! With no reason!! And babe been don even change her last name to his own as per his people too palmwine and kola to her family (traditional marriage)!! Dat's why me say, if E no be court or church wedding, all my villagers can drink your Hennessey and Schnapps Gin, I no be ya wife!! Shuo!!!

But men, why do you have to be milking a cow for all these years, have babe tell the whole world how 'husband' you are, she shines your house as well as your manhood and yet, to commit hard una?!!!

Yes, I am not a believer in long-term dating!! I will just lose interest along the way O jare, especially not when other bobos are toasting me and you no wan 'Keep me'? TO THE LEFT, TO THE LEFT!.........
@ #9: I have a gf that storms nite clubs every weekend, all of them like between 34-37, and they are looking for husbands!!! even an odeh would know that dem no dey see husbands for nite club O! Club guy come look for booty, kapish! You come look for husband, see where interest begin to clash?! And now when bobo tell babe wetin she wan hear just to shine her congo, na her go begin run around dey hala how men be beasts!! But she no go talk true where she meet the bobo and also why hin gbencsh her first night under the influence of the klieg lights and neon lights and of course, alcohol........women!!

But na where be the best place to find Mr. Almost Right? {Abeg, Mr. Right exist in the same era that the Unicorn and Dinosaurs existed!) anyhoo, where is the best place ti find them?

The Church?! Hmmmm.....Dont even get me started there!!! Church? Hah!! God-fearing man? Hah!! I reserve my comment!

No, I shall voice my comment! Funny thing here is that the good guys in church who truly serve God and are the REAL God-fearing men look 'boring and nerdy' on the outside! And may not appeal to a 'social babe', while the flashy ones that "claim" to be holy would be the ones that would tell you how "God understands fornication"!

So, this runs into the Number One point above......

Ok, to Point # 13......

my opinion, while its not good to date too long, also doesnt mean babe got to want to jump the broom fast fast! Nah!! U got to test the waters....make sure the person flows with ya....abi?

I sure hope there are not many ladies over 30 who lives in regrets sha.....I have seen a couple of babes who wished a past relationship had ended in marriage and blame all their woes on the guy! To that I call "Escapist method of facing reality!" Except the bobo was just plain wicked and hurt you, which I doubt, (because women ALWAYS see the signs of a dying relationship and still hope its turns out good). EVERY woman should be able to look behind her past relationships with no sad feelings!!

If a woman looks behind her and still feels bad about Mr A or Mr B, she HAS NOT moved on! And if she marries in that state, she would be committing Bigamy! Legally married to Mr Present, while sleeping in the same bed with Mr present and Mr Past at the same time!

Personally, I know I have always said Thank God for past relationships! Did some hurt? YES! At that moment, but time showed the break ups were just a GIFT OF GOODBYE! Gift of Good bye is when someone leaving your life is actually a blessing, a gift, a way for you to move forward, especially if their presence in your life is not part of your destiny!

Enuff rambling from me for now, will be back with more ramblings on some other points the writer outlined above...,

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