November 18, 2007

Fear

Culled from Taurenaminx Blog.

Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we
are powerful beyond measure.

It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us. We ask
ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who
are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the
world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't
feel unsure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is
within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. As we let our own
Light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we
are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates
others.


After watching Akeela and the Bee, Marianne's quote inspired me but as these things do, it kind of retreated to the back of my mind. But a lot of things have occurred around me in the past year that have caused me to remember the quote from time to time.

My strong beautiful ladies. When it comes to men, some of us just carry too much fear around with us and its just plain ugly. Fear causes you to compromise on your ideals, to make choices you wouldn't normally make, to look desperate, or to act a fool.

Scenario 1
Guy is very much interested in Rita. He runs through fire, jumps hoops, crosses the seven seas to get you. He succeeds, Rita falls. Suddenly Rita starts doing all the chasing. She cooks, cleans, buys presents, worries, cuddles, pets Guy. Sometimes she wants to go ballroom dancing but decides to do what Guy wants. When did the balance tip? Rita feels that she has to do all these things to ensure that Guy doesn't loose interest in her. She's afraid that being herself isn't good enough, she has to do all these extra things, not from her heart but for fear that he will leave her. Then Rita gets frustrated and upset. Guy doesn't appreciate the things he does for him. Guy probably doesn't recognise the exciting girl he knew Rita to be. The one who had such a full life with hobbies etc. Suddenly she's choking him and nagging him, making him feel inadequate.

Scenario 2
Tope is in love with Dotun. Whenever they quarrel be it Dotuns or Topes fault, a pattern repeats itself. Dotun sulks around and doesn't talk to her. He maintains a cold war and in the end shes the one begging for forgiveness. She cooks a nice meal which he may not eat. She calls him 100 times a day, she writes letters, she agrees she was wrong. Dotun sulks till he is ready to announce the end of the cold war. Tope is afraid that if she doesn't beg before its too late, Dotun might break up with her.

Scenario 3
Chichi really likes Emeka. They have gone on three dates and shes in Emekas house now and nobody is home. She wants to wait until she is married but Emeka is telling her he really likes her and is trying to convince her to sleep with him. She's not sure what to do. If she tell's him she's not ready, he might not go out with her again like the last guy she told besides he'll probably think shes old school and strange.

The problem here is that Rita and Tope and Chichi doubt themselves. They don't think that its enough to just be. A lot of us make the mistake of losing ourselves when we enter into relationships. All the confidence you once had in yourself and how brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous you are seems to evaporate. Rita tailored her life to Guys and then became resentful when she should have maintained her own hobbies and given the relationship some breathing space. Tope has entered into a pattern of emotional blackmail when all she needs to do is let Dotun get over his sulking, if he loves her fabulous self, he'll get over it and apologise if he is wrong. But if he knows she'll come begging, why should he? That is not an ideal relationship anyway. Chichi wants to compromise her beliefs for a guy she feels might not respect them. She's afraid that she will never have a relationship because of this decision she has made. If you don't believe in yourself then why will others?

This brings me to another quote

Bonaro W. Overstreet:

Perhaps the most important thing we can undertake
toward the reduction of fear is to make it easier for people to accept
themselves, to like themselves.



I recommend Boundaries, When to say yes and When to say no to everyone especially women. Its a very good read. Click on the link to read some of the chapters.

I'm not a guru in these matters oh, I'm just sharing thoughts playing in my mind. Feel free to share your philosophies :)

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